LEADERS EXEMPLIFY LIFE BALANCE

Small things make a big difference. Here is a collection of simple applications culled from leaders around the world and my own experience, ranging from business effectiveness to savouring life, that make a tangible difference and produce a hefty ROI on your energy, engagement and commitment.

1. Life is what matters. Business is just an aspect. Know your best times to get various things done. If you're not an evening person, really amplify the value of that by having sacrosanct family and personal time. If you ARE a morning person, get that exercise in, or clean up your e mails from the day before...get ahead of the game.
   
   If you feel a surge of energy some week-end and the family is otherwise occupied, lock yourself away and advance that key project that's been 'on hold' for so long. If you're utterly exhausted one afternoon, take on some organisational chores instead of frustrating yourself by diving into a challenging financial analysis. Even head home a little earlier that day and fully recharge for the next day.
   
   Leaders manage their energy to deliver their goals.
   
   
2. I always have enough time for whatever I REALLY want to do. Beware of saying 'no' to people or projects that matter to you, especially when you do so routinely. 'I don't have enough time' means it's not a priority, I don't think it's important enough. The secret to being able to say 'yes' to what really matters, is to have clarity about what you value most, personally and professionally.
   
   Leadership is about clarity, our time allocation has to match our real priorities.
   
   
3. Beware of judging life by QUANTITY, rather than QUALITY. How 'long' you get to do various things often matters less than your engagement, your intensity, your presence, your commitment to the act. If you fritter away concentration, it can take an awfully long time to get only a very few things done. If you optimise your focus, you can appreciate, savour and contribute to so much.
   
   In personal relationships remember that the heart doesn't tell time, it simply registers impact.
   
   In professional relationships remember that nobody evaluates hours, they take stock of value received and care extended.
   
   A test of leadeship is that our capacity to contribute, through our relationships, continually increases.
   
   
4. Being perpetually upset or dissatisfied is like a personal geiger counter, it tells you something is indeed 'wrong', but INSIDE. If your whole life is one of perpetual malcontent, you are either someone of extraordinary ability, talent and standards (congratulations if so!), or else you are transferring inappropriately to the world what you're really upset about -- some aspect of yourself! If it's the former, channel the dissatisfaction into growing other people. If the latter, spend time to grapple with the only person who can soothe your pain: yourself.
   
   Leaders challenge themselves every bit as much as they challenge others.
   
   
5. The state of 'flow' occurs when there's 'enough' stress but not too much. In other words, when there isn't enough challenge, life becomes bland, and we get bored. When the challenge exceeds our current capacity or experience, then we feel fear and get terrified or just overwhelmed. Both states are counterproductive. We want enough challenge that we are fully awake, fully alert, and experience a sense of productive urgency. Yet we want enough calm so that we feel we have a reasonable shot at success; or at least a shot at enough partial achievement that we can then learn through that experience in order to improve dramatically for the future.
   
   If you're bored, raise the bar. If you're paralyzed with fear, ask for coaching, additional support, guidance, tools, help. Upgrade what you can handle without undue stress.
   
   Leaders remove unnecessary stress so they can thrive on productive challenge.
   
   
6. Two things to always have close by -- something you want to read or someone you want to talk to (depending on the situation), and somewhere to capture inspiration when it strikes.
   
   A great report card of your time is to ask, 'What have I learned this year that I didn't understand so clearly last year?' If the answer seems profound, moving, insightful, then your reflection, reading and interaction must be productive.
   
   On the other front, look at how many projects, or initiatives you have COMPLETED. These are things that 'occured to you', no one had to prod you regarding, which you then initiated and fulfilled, enrolling others as needed. As these go up, so does our leadership influence.
   
   Leaders learn incessantly and catalyse themselves endlessly.
   
   
7. Try every year to include some new experiences that will vivify your existence. Equally, every year plan to experience again some things you already adore, but truly CELEBRATE them.
   
   Put on skis for the first time, or ski a new valley. Take a totally different vacation or break. Read something dramatically different. Immerse in a new culture. Learn to taste wine, or tea for that matter (from around the world perhaps). Interact with someone much younger (or older) than yourself. Start an investment plan, whatever.
   
   On the other hand, have that favourite meal, but stop and savor it. Have that family get-together but discover how to make it a true joy for all those participating. Watch that favourite movie, but shut off the phones, pop the popcorn, and stay in your pajamas all day. Take that favourite hike with your favourite person, but stop and 'drink in' the splendor all around you.
   
   Leadership is about creating new and increasing value for others and our businesses. A person who doesn't know how to renew and revitalise will always come across as 'fake' when they preach reinvention to their team and to their market. Equally, a leader who can't appreciate what's already been achieved, the people already there, the business opportunities already at hand to better leverage, will always underperform.
   
   Leaders remake themselves and their circumstances all the time. They also get more value from existing strengths, abilities and relationships than most people considered possible.
   
   
8. Look around at your life, it's enhanced by all kinds of people who probably don't know how much they mean to you, or how highly you value them. Take some time to let them know. It doesn't have to be a gift or a 'thank you' card, though of course those can be deeply impactful. It could be some time invested, some support offered, some guidance given, a special experience shared. You don't have to say, 'This is because...'.
   
   Just do it, they'll draw their own conclusions.
   
   If we think about how to enhance the lives of those we value, and if we expand our vision so that we can value more people, we will initiate a virtuous cycle of appreciation, shared understanding, and mutual commitment.
   
   Leaders create teams, alllies, and collaborators wherever they go.
   
   
9. Say what you have to. It's not leadership, but hypocrisy to go underground with all your animus, anger, annoyance, irritation. However, first shout it out privately, blow it off, take a round of the corner, THEN say what you want to others. Better yet, wait a bit, and then come back with it.
   
   There's a difference between emotion and meaning. Say what you mean and ultimately feel, but that doesn't mean share everything you immediately experience. That could come from shock, or disappointment, or vanity, or immaturity, etc. Ground yourself, consider the situation, and share what you have to as your 'opinion' or 'personal feeling' not as immutable fact.
   
   I loathe the habit that people get into, gossiping perennially but never confronting the source of the problem. Thereby they create a culture of fakeness and inconsistency. Then, if the person ever learns what they really feel, they themselves feel cheated and let down. They wonder what else we're thinking or feeling and not sharing. Great leadership teams are built on trust. When that goes, everything goes.
   
   Leaders are careful to say what they really feel and really think (not necessarily just their first reflex), but they ensure they DO say it. They encourage others to do likewise.
   
   
10. Be here, be prepared to be nowhere else. This applies EVERYWHERE in life.
    
    Don't go to breakfast with the family, and be lost behind a newspaper. Don't attend a child's sporting event, only to be on the cellphone the whole time. Don't kiss your spouse, while planning your morning presentation (or vice-versa!).
    
    When coaching someone, coach THEM, rather than checking out your haircut in the reflection of the filing cabinet. When preparing a written communication, commit to giving the audience of that communication full value, rather than listening out of the corner of your ear to the latest cricket score.
    
    When taking a break, TAKE it! If you're at a spa, don't replay your last customer exchange. That way when you get to your next customer exchange, you'll bring all your attention to bear there, not on how stressed and worn out you are.
    
    Leaders maximise every interaction and situation; rather than 'contaminating' them, they amplify each and every one.
    
    
11. Pick something that matters to YOU, and do it for at least some time each week. It needn't be lofty, it doesn't have to produce social value. This is your regeneration and recharge activity. It could be a hobby, it could be viewing a favourite programme, it could be time alone with music, it could be painting, it can involve a walk on the beach, it could putting your feet up and reading the Sunday comics. Whatever. But having alighted on this activity or activities, guard the time as sacred. How long doesn't matter (please see the comment above on this), the quality and passion of your concentration DOES.
    
    Leaders look after themselves, so they can look after their organisations and teams.
    
    
12. Make a list of say six irritations in your life -- messes, annoyances, irritations, recurring emotional 'spills'. Go to war on one each month and liberate untold energy and creativity within six months as these are each either out of your life, better handled, or at least working far more productively. A colleague of mine reported that he was going nuts because his laundry man stapled identification tags to his clothes. When he grabbed for his clothes in a hurry, this produced aggravation, and the danger of damage. After fuming for almost a year and cursing the fates, he simply told the laundry service: 'Find another way to do this, or lose my business.' He also showed them his laundry receipts for 12 months, totalling about $1000. He now gets safety pins! He has convenience, they continue to have his business. This is a seemingly trivial example. But multiply this by a number of unnecessary absurdities in life, and it becomes quite significant.
    
    Leaders know how to clean up messes and challenge unproductive trivia.
    
    
13. Make a personal connection with key service staff, especially those situated so as to be able to help you. Bank tellers, airline staff, hotel receptionists, waiters, customer service people, etc. Let them know you 'see' them. Personalise them by calling them by name if possible. Engage them as if they were top professionals seeking to help you. As you become 'human' to them, they will work harder to find a way to help you. If they can't, they'll at least CARE enough to look for the next best alternative. No one likes to let down a good opinion someone has formed of them. Don't wait to form such an opinion, give them an 'A', and then let them prove you right.
    
    If, despite this, someone is being indifferent or an outright obstructionist, then become more passionate and insistent, never rude or boorish. Keep raising the intensity, state the case as clearly and as logically as you can, and ASK for some satisfaction or additional service attention if your direct request can't be gratified.
    
    This is practise for engaging key people in your leadership life as well. Speaking to their better angels and then raising intensity in a constructive manner, is the key.
    
    Leaders make it easy for others to help them, they apply constructive pressure only to stimulate creativity and kindle a commitment in others.
    
    
14. When having to refuse someone something, if the person and their idea is essentially valuable, always offer options. "I'm sorry we can't meet in person this week as I'm travelling, can we set up a video conference this week, speak by phone today, exchange e mails in the next 48 hours, or schedule an in-person meeting within this month?'
    
    "I'd like to respond to your team request, but I worry about the precedent it would set, if done just for your team. Would you like to make a case for the value and fairness of this, or shall we give various teams a performance-based incentive for such a situation, or can we find another way of responding to your team's concerns and needs?"
    
    Look for multiple options and ask people to SHARE the problem with you in resolving the best way forward.
    
    Leaders create opportunities, rather than settling for roadblocks.
    
    
15. Use travel time wisely. If you fly a lot (as I do), then each plane trip is an opportunity. If you learn to meditate and physically relax, you can use it to catch up on sleep. If you take along reading material you never get to, you can get loads of reading done. If you've been meaning to reply to something or work on a project and time eludes you, guard this occasion to work on that. Catch up on a movie you've missed (either via the options on board, or using your own laptop), reflect on your life's goals, sit back and relax. Do a lot of the things in the air that steal your time (even if it's just planning) when you are on the ground and really with the people and places you want your prime-time energy and attention for.
    
    Leaders use seemingly 'dead' blocks of time for 'live' purposes.
    
    
16. Plan some mini-trips each year. These are special week-ends or times or occasions that you really 'plan'. It's great if at least 1 or 2 can be other than the obligatory birthdays or pre-established seasonal celebrations. When you CREATE your own celebration, or tradition, you have to invest it with your own meaning. You have to decide what you're celebrating. Give it a theme, not just a mindless ramble. My wife and I are do a six day walking tour in medeival villages on the outskirts of Provence as an annual pilgrimage. It's our time to reconnect, investigate our life and leadership purpose, and make sure we're heading where we want to. We've made sure the scenery, setting, history, places we stay, all inspire and excite us. This is now an annual tradition like our yearly planning for the year ahead and gratitude for the year past time in January while skiing.
    
    Because we are in different countries virtually every week for our work, we like having 'fixed coordinates' for these occasions. For others who spend more time in one place, the need may be for new climes and locales as they plan these special occasions.
    
    Make up your own special times. You don't have to go to France. You can investigate your own options. You can go work with a guru in India, or volunteer for a week with an aid organisation. You can work on beautifying your garden, or learn how to raft over a week-end of shared goal setting. You can take a picnic together and then share some feelings with loved ones. You get the idea...
    
    Leaders create occasions for themselves that are rich in meaning and possibility.
    
    
17. When you need to really get someone's attention, try the following. Use a dramatic pause -- this stops the chatter, and draws attention. Look them in the eye to let them know that what follows really MATTERS. Raise your voice just slightly for emphasis. Use a recent example to make what you're saying concrete. Say what's most relevant FIRST. Share what you feel as your personal feeling, not a cosmic certainty. Invite mutual exploration, and suggest some next steps that you feel will be important TOGETHER.
    
    Ensure you LISTEN as well as speak. If the person is addressing something other than what you've raised, emphathise and replay what you've understood, but gently request that you'd appreciate a continued focus on what you had raised, at least initially. You can then move on to other topics subsequently.
    
    When they ARE addressing what you've raised, try to listen for 'possibility' in what they're saying, but be really clear, honest, pragmatic and action-oriented. The more abstract you are, the more people's eyes glaze over, or else the more cerebral (rather than passionate and committed), they become.
    
    Especially relative to feedback, don't generalise. Far better to say, 'I'd really appreciate if I can complete what I'm saying,' rather than, 'You never listen, you just want to butt in and say what you want.' Say, 'I worry because we made a commitment, and it didn't happen from your end as far as I know, and you never let me know. How can we make this better?' This is far better than, 'You never keep your commitments, I'm not sure I can trust you, why don't you ever let me know?'
    
    Leaders connect, communicate, and ignite shared action.
    
    
18. Here's my list of what I want to do either again or for the first time before I transition from this planet -- I may do these more than once, life permitting, but I'm currently focused on the NEXT time!
    
    Visit Rome, Umbria, Florence and Venice again. Spend 4 days with my wife in Paris. See as many wonderful plays in the West End, Broadway and Theatre Festivals as I can. Enjoy wonderful dinners in fabulous restaurants. Dance with abandon. Frolic in the water and ride the waves. Ski new runs and relax while skiing currently challenging ones. Revisit some beloved old movies and catch a lot of exciting new ones. Dive deeper into books that I treasure and continue to discover new literary nuggets along the way. Take longer walks in more exotic locations. Take a cruise with my in-laws. Take my parents on the Eastern-Oriental Express. Spend a family Thanksgiving in the US. Climb Mount Fuji again and spend two weeks revisiting favourite places in Japan. Complete 5 major book projects. Contribute to global think tanks. Etc.
    
    Now, come up with YOUR list, and each year target 2-3 at least to fulfill, advance, experience.
    
    Leaders have a REASON to stay alive, produce, extend, deliver, succeed.
    
    
19. Spend a little bit of time PREPARING for certain aspects of life, including preparing yourself to be able to experience the richness and variety of what life has to offer. Joseph Heller's CATCH 22 on the absurdity of war should be read by everyone. If you're in Hanoi, you may find a classical Western opera playing at their splendid opera house. Read a classic book (Milton Cross and Karl Kohrs) to understand the major operas, so you don't sit there quietly wishing Tosca would hurry up and toss herself off the roof to speed up proceedings. Read about new places you visit, you'll appreciate more of what you see. Spend a little bit of extra time when entertaining, to think about how to truly 'treat' the people you're taking out. Before a key meeting or engagement, think about WHY it's being held, what it needs to ACHIEVE, and how you can best CONTRIBUTE in a COLLABORATIVE rather than 'showboating' manner.
    
    Leaders get ready to win!
    
    
20. When you have to perform on behalf of others (deliver service, chair a meeting, deliver a speech, whatever), arrive EARLY. Get psyched. Prepare emotionally, not just mentally. Think of the 2-3 KEY things you want to convey, or get right, or deliver. Do your very best. Energise people by your humility, eagerness to improve and add value. Make it about THEM, not about YOU. Put yourself on the line and bring ALL of you to the occasion.
    
    Then, go home, forget about it. No one event should determine your self-esteem. After forgetting about it for a while, remember it, and decide how you want to do better next time. But the fate of global civilisation does not hinge on this one performance, speech, meeting. If you think it does, you will freeze up, choke up, and your creativity will flee. Keep perspective, and treat it all as a growth and contribution adventure.
    
    Leaders use each occasion to LEARN and AMPLIFY their value.
    
    So there they are, with these 20 recommendations (with your own adaptations of course), life will work better, work will flow better, you'll appreciate more, give more, perhaps even become more. There can't be a better ambition than that!

Omar Khan,
Senior Partner, Sensei International
Phone: 1 (212) 295 2191, Fax: 1 (212) 295 2121
e mail: omar@sensei-international.com

Omar Khan is a globally acknowledged leadership development innovator and success coach. He is a sought after change catalyst and a pioneer in transformational learning. He is the author of the acclaimed book SYNERGY as well as the newly released and much awaited, TIMELESS LEADERSHIP.